Pet Peeves an episode of House MD
by Oldmovie
Summary: House and Wilson try to patch things up after Amber. 13 must come to terms with her illness. An episode of House MD, script form. Little bit of Huddy.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi everyone, so I have been reading a few fanfictions at and I've noticed a really cool way of writing fanfictions. You write them as the script, so I thought I would give it a try and try to write my own episode of House MD. I'm trying very hard with the medicine so bear with me it may not all be right! Well anyway, this is set after the season 4 finale, so I guess beggining of season 5. I'd love to hear what you guys think so far, I thinking I'll write about 5 or 6 chapters for this episode, hopefully trying to get it to be about a full episode.**

(Setting is a run-down bar, seemingly in the middle of the highway. Lots of truckers about, its made to look like a pit-stop. Windows let light in showing its daytime. Judy enters the bar.)

Judy: (sits down on bar stool) A shot of whiskey.

Bar Tender: (looks at clock behind him, it says 8 o'clock) A bit early to be dipping into the hard liqour isn't it?

Judy: If I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it, shot of whiskey.

(Bartender shrugs his shoulders and makes her a drink, trucker comes over and sits in the seat next to Judy, checking her out.)

Trucker: What's a fine young lady like you doing so far out here?

Judy: Great pick up line, only two problems with it. I'm not a fine young lady and I have no intention of putting out for you so buzz off.

Trucker: Just thought I could offer to pay for your next drink (he winks)

Judy: (turns to look at Trucker) If you were offering to buy me something a gentleman would offer food.

Trucker: Lucky I'm a gentleman. Bob a plate of french fries for the nice young lady. (bartender goes back to the kitchen to fetch fries)

Judy: You're expecting me to break my ban on carbs for you? (she says this as the fries arrive in front of her)

Trucker: Beggers can't be choosers.

Judy: Nice use of platitudes. (she starts eating fries, eats a lot of fries)

Trucker: Good huh?

(Judy nods and then suddenly her eyes widen and she grabs her chest, she falls out of her seat clutching her chest and goes limp)

Trucker: Holy crap! Somebody call 911!

(cut to opening credits)

(cut to hospital entrance can see House limping to the elevators. Cuddy is at the nurses' station sees House and chases after him)

Cuddy: You're still supposed to be off work, resting.

House: (arrives at elevator and presses button with cane) Got bored.

Cuddy: Bored? You're here because you were bored?

House: Would it be better if I was here because I had the sudden urge to see the funbags again?

Cuddy: (looks a little smug) You weren't bored.

(elevator opens and Cuddy walks back to nurse's station, House looks at elevator for a second before following Cuddy.)

House: Come on Freud, why am I here then? Oedipus syndrome for my dean of medicine?

Cuddy: You got lonely.

House: Yeah I was dying to have you and Wilson chew me out for switching your medications.

Cuddy: /9signing file given to her by one of the nurses) Well it can't hurt Wilson to be extra fertile.

House: (shifts in spot) How is he?

Cuddy: (hands file back and turns to face House) Better, but not much. Talk to him House.

House: Wouldn't do anything to cure the boredom, got a case?

Cuddy: Your team got one this morning. (puts hand on shoulder) He needs a friend, talk to him. (walks away)

House: (calls out after her) I wasn't lonely.

(cut to three fellows and Foreman looking over case file, Kutner is writing symptons on the board.)

13: (reading file) The BAC shows Judy was a heavy drinker, the alcohol levels in her blood were sky-high. It's a wonder her liver is still intact.

Taub: Well the heart attack is easily explained then. After abusing her body for years, Judy's heart just gave out. All we need is to do is wean her off of the alcohol and hopefully the medication we give her will help her heart problem dissapear along with the toxin.

Foreman: Great diagnosis except your missing the fact that the woman is running a dangerously high fever. (Kutner writes fever on the board)

Taub: Again can be explained by the alcohol, weakened immune system lets in an infection. Start her on wide-spectrum antibiotics.

Kutner: (picking up file) She's allergic to paracetamol.

Taub: (gives Kutner a strange look) Good thing that we never planned on giving it to her considering her alcoholism, it would totally fry her liver.

Kutner: Sorry just found it interesting.

(House limps into office, thorws off his coat into the other office and looks at Kutner)

House: What are you doing?

Kutner: (looks down at pen) I just thought, since you were gone, I- (interrupted by House)

House: You thought you were ready to hang with the big boys? Sit down. (House looks at the whiteboard which contains a childish scribble that is barely legible) Seriously who taught you to write, some hobbo that lived near the local supermarket?

Kutner: My parents- (interupted once again by House)

House: Rhetorical question, somebody tell me what this is actually supposed to say.

Kutner: You're feeling better?

House: I feel peachy, symptons.

Foreman: Cardiac Arrest, alcoholism, fever-(cut off by Taub)

Taub: Everything can be explained by the alcoholism. We put her on some antibiotics to get rid of the infection and we send her to rehab.

House: What if she says, No, no no?

Kutner: Why would you come in when you still have time off? (plays will House's ball that was located on the table)

House: (snatchs ball back) To stop you from moving all of my stuff, please tell me the porn is still in the second drawer?

13: I don't think everything is caused by the alcohol.

(everyone turns to look at her)

House: What do you think its caused by?

13: What if the alcoholism is a sympton?

Foreman: You're suggesting that the problem is neurological?

13: The heart and nervous system are linked, if its messing with her brain creating this addiction, which created the weakened immune system, the brain could have just as easily messed with the heart.

Kutner: So you're suggesting that the infection is just a coincidence?

House: Did you not listen to a word she said? She said it was a result of the addiction- (interupted by Foreman)

Foreman: I don't think we need an instant re-play.

Taub: Its more likely the alcoholism is doing this to her.

House: Whereas if its what 13 suggested is right, the little drunk will be spiking the angels' punch in a few days.

13: I want to do a cardiac catherization and take a look at the heart , after all its what got her here in the first place.

House: Go on then. (13 leaves, Taub looks at him like he's insane)

Taub: You really think its more likely that this woman has a rare, infectious disease that caused her to become an alcoholic?

House: Nah, I just like her better than you.

Taub: You'll just be running a bunch of pointless tests.

House: Either way we're still taking her off the alcohol, that's what you wanted right?

Taub: We need to get the woman on medications for her heart, to prevent further damage.

House: The drunk has a name its- (looks to Foreman)

Foreman: Judy, Judy Harlow. Just run the dam test. (House nods at Foreman who leaves after Taub, Kutner gets up to leave)

House: Where are you going?

Kutner: To help 13 with the catherization?

House: Oh no you're not, you're coming with me.

(cut to procedure room with 13 and Taub)

Taub: Why are you so certain this isn't just her alcoholism?

13: Why are you so certain that it is? I'm injecting the dye. (presses button)

Taub: What are you looking for anyway?

13: A hint as to why the heart acted up.

Taub: So really you have no idea what you are looking for?

(13 doesn't answer)

Taub: I understand your hatred of people being overlooked because of a image they have, but you're not being objective, alcoholism fits.

13: No I hate people assuming that all of somebody's problems result from one issue they have. You're not being objective because you have this prejudice against alcoholics.

(silence)

Taub: Do you think that maybe you're relating a little too much to her?

13: What's that supposed to mean?

(beepers from the machine go off)

13: She's gone into respiratory distress.

(Commercials)


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter 2, hopefully everything seems in character and the medicine is a little plausible!**

(cut to Kutner and House standing on balcony that looks into Wilson's office, Wilson can be seen writing something down)

: Alright Miss Marple, you go in, you get what you need and you get out.

Kutner: I still don't understand why you don't just do it yourself?

House: It's a social experiment.

Kutner: Wilson won't see it that way, the guy doesn't even know me.

House: He will now.

Kutner: But- (interupted by House)

House: Just do what you're told.

Kutner: (pauses briefly thinking over something) No!

(House just gives Kutner a glare and Kutner jumps to attention and walks to Wilson's office, he knocks on the door)

Wilson: (without looking up from the paperwork) It'll just have to wait House.

Kutner: Not House this time. (Awkwardly waves)

Wilson: Kutner? Um, sorry I wasn't expecting- House normally- yes?

Kutner: Just wanted to talk.

Wilson: To talk?

(awkward silence)

Kutner: Yeah, you see I, maybe we could talk about girls? (sits down in chair)

Wilson: (gives him a strange look) I'd rather not.

Kutner: Its just that I don't always know the signs you know? Take 13- (interupted by Wilson)

Wilson: Kutner I'm not really the guy you should be asking.

Kutner: But you had 3 wives (eyes widen as he sees his cue) oh sorry, Amber, how you doing?

Wilson: Um, Kutner don't you have a patient, or somewhere you have to be?

Kutner: Yeah, but House-(pauses as he realizes his mistake)

Wilson: (sees House peeking into office and sighs) Did he put you up to this (points to House who ducks out of view)

Kutner: What House? No, he doesn't care- wait no, I mean he does care, very much in fact and- (wilson stares) yes.

Wilson: Tell House that if he wants to know how I am he has to come over here and ask me himself.

(Kutner gets up and leaves office, he meets House on the balcony)

House: So?

Kutner: He didn't say anything.

House: Oh god Kutner he's not even from the opposite sex, it shouldn't be hard to talk to him.

Kutner: He didn't want to discuss it with me, he did have a message for you though.

House: You told him I sent you there?

Kutner: Yeah, he told me to tell you to grow some balls and see him yourself. (pleased he changed the wording)

(Camera shows Wilson looking at House, intense staring moment broken by thirteen rapping on window, House and Kutner enter differntial office)

13: The patient just went into respiratory distress.

House: Shouldn't you be there then?

Taub: She's on an oxygen machine, her lungs have completely collasped.

House: Not a sympton of alcohol damage, gold star for 13. (takes pen and writes respiratory failure on white board)

Taub: Could be substance abuse, Estacy can do this sort of damage, have we run a tox screen?

House: What did the catherization tell us?

13: (ignoring House) Just because she's addicted to alcohol doesn't mean she gets doped up on drugs.

Taub: I'm just exploring all of the possibilities, if this was an ordinary patient- (interupted by 13)

13: She is ordinary but you have to assume- (interupted by House)

House : (voice louder) What did the catherization show?

13: We never finished it, her lungs gave out before we could see anything.

Taub: We can't do anything now anyway, we need to come up with a new hypothesis.

House: Someone's been reviewing their scientific method. Ideas, besides substance abuse?

13: Lupus?

Kutner: No she'd need to have a low platelets levels and hers are fine. How about a fungus, would explain the heart, lungs maybe even the liver.

House: It would explain everything except the high fever.

Foreman: (enters room reading chart) The respiratory distress was caused by a pulmonary embelism, the problem's her heart.

House: Which we didn't get a look in last time. (looks at 13 and Taub)

13: Because she crashed.

House: Thanks for the recap. Who wants to try operation again, be careful if you hit something important the patient's nose might turn red.

Foreman: Or the patient could go into relaspe, we could at least check the home first. Look for toxins, heavy metals. Maybe actually ask the patient a few questions before risking her life again.

House: Sissy. Fine you and 13 go check out the home. (Foreman and 13 leave office)

Kutner: We're still going to do the catherization aren't we?

(House nods)

Taub: Foreman's right, we need to get more information before we just start sticking things in her.

House: Fine you want to talk to her, let's go straight to the source. We're going to talk, heart to heart.

(House and Kutner leave room, leaving Taub standing there alone)

(cut to procedure room, House and Kutner standing over body)

House: If you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.

(Cuddy is seen approaching the glass door)

Cuddy: House!

House: God, does everyone rat me out in this hospital.

Cuddy: (enters room) Do you think we could talk?

House: A little busy.

Cuddy: (grabs his arm) Stop it. Your patient isn't ready for this, you have no information.

House: Which is why I need to run this test.

Cuddy: You can wait. (turns to Kutner) Dr. Kutner, turn off the machine.

House: Party pooper.

Cuddy: Thank God one of your team members had enough common sense to come get me.

House: Not really fair considering Foreman and 13 are out checking out the patient's home.

(cut to Foreman and 13 in Judy's kitchen)

Foreman: (running her finger over counter) This woman is a neat-freak, I can't find a single piece of dust anywhere.

13: Is that a crime?

Foreman: No, I'm just surprised. For someone who can't keep her life together, she sure can keep a clean house.

13: Her alcoholism doesn't mean she can't perform basic functions. (checking under the sink, takes a sample)

Foreman: Actually it kind of does, lack of desire to do anything, antisocial behaviour, general laziness.

13: Sounds like House.

Foreman: Another addict. Her house doesn't indicate a alcoholic, it seems more like a high society, tea party sort of giving lady. (takes a sample of raw meet in refridgerator)

13: And how would you know what an alcoholic's house would look like, besides the textbook analysis of course.

Foreman: Why are you so intent on defending this woman against any remark made about her alcoholism. First you chew out Taub and now me, I'm merely stating what I see.

13: (refiles through cupboard) You're making assumptions about people.

Foreman: You are as well. (looks out of window and sees perfectly kept vegetable garden)

13: (comes out with bottle of pils) This is weird.

Foreman: Wierder than an alcoholic with a perfectly kept vegetable garden?

13: (handles bottle to Foreman) Its paracetamol.

(Commercials)


	3. Chapter 3

(cut to House, Cuddy and Kutner in her office)

Cuddy: House did you miss the patient history course in medical school?

House: Probably skipped it.

Kutner: (puts his hand up) I didn't.

Cuddy: Did you even talk to the patient?

(Kutner slowly lowers his hand as he realizes he was ignored)

House: It's complicated.

Cuddy: What's so complicated about asking a few questions?

House: Patient's an alcoholic, may not be able to trust anything she says.

Kutner: 13 doesn't think that- (Interrupted by Cuddy)

Cuddy: That's your approach to every patient.

(Kutner stares at his shoes, feeling very awkward being caught in the middle of an argument)

Cuddy: (to Kutner) What else do you know about the patient?

House: Don't ask him, he knows what I know, nothing. We would have known more if you had allowed us to do the catherization.

(13 and Foreman knock on the door and come in)

Foreman: She's allergic to paracetomal right?

House: Cuddy, no just a social life.

13: The patient.

Kutner: Yeah, it's in her charts.

Cuddy: (a little sarcastic) it's good to know you at least read over their charts.

House: (to Cuddy) I don't, I get them to brief me on it. (to Foreman) Why are her allergies so important?

Foreman: She keeps paracetomal in the house.

13: If you're allergic why would you even have it, don't want to risk accidentily taking it.

Foreman: Unless the allergy only presented itself in the last couple of months.

(House immediately gets up from the chair and grabs one of Cuddy's notebooks)

Cuddy: What are you doing?

House: I'm doing what you told me to do, I'm going to go talk to the patient.

(cut to patient's room, Judy is on a respirator, House enters the room with notebook in hand he approaches the patient with a needle and grabs her IV medicine bag, Cuddy is seen walking very fast into the room followed by team minus Taub)

Cuddy: House, you can't talk to a patient who's on a respirator.

House: You told me to.

Cuddy: No, I asked if you had talked to her. It's a little late now for a chat.

House: I know, that's why I brought the notebook. Talking is so overrated. (shows her the notebook)

Cuddy: I mean you can't talk to them because they are under anesthesia.

House: Well that should be easy to solve. (House injects the medicine and Judy slowly wakes up)

13: (sees Judy struggling to talk) Don't try to talk, write it down. Do you know where you are?

(House gives Judy the notebook in which Judy writes 'No')

House: You were brought in because you had a heart attack. Since then you've also gone into respiratory distress, I'm starting to think you're a jinx.

Cuddy: (looks at House dissaprovingly) Ignore Dr. House, you're in good hands. (sees Judy's frightened face) Everyone out of the room, the last thing the patient needs right now is a bunch of doctors gawking at her. (shuffles everyone out of the room and House and Cuddy are the only ones left.)

House: (stares at Cuddy) Didn't you say everyone?

Cuddy: You're not suggesting I leave you alone with her, if she was scared before then you'll be her worst nightmare.

House: Its nice I still have that affect on people. (patient tugs House's shirt, the words 'what is wrong with me?' are scribbled on the page)

House: We don't know. (Judy looks away) When did your allergy to paracetomal start?

(Judy writes and the words 'about a month ago' was written)

Cuddy: Did you go to a doctor, to make sure? (Judy nodded)

House: I thought the point of this was for me to talk to the patient? (Cuddy narrows her eyes but doesn't say anything) Did the doctor prescribe anything?

(Judy nods)

House: Why did you think you were allergic, symptons I mean?

(Judy writes 'swollen ankles' House stares at her before starting to lift up her hospital gown)

Cuddy: House what are you- (sees House pointing at massive internal bleeding) Oh God.

House: Her liver is completely gone.

(Cut to Wilson's office, Taub knock and enters)

Wilson: (looks up) Oh God, you too?

Taub: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. (sits down)

Wilson: How much?

Taub: How much what?

Wilson: How much did House pay you to ask me how I am?

Taub: 100 bucks.

(Wilson shakes his head and continues to work)

Taub: So let's get to the point. How are you?

Wilson: House really thinks that I'm going to tell his team?

Taub: I'm just keeping to my side of the deal.

(Wilson looks annoyed)

(Cut to differential room)

Foreman: Her liver's shut down?

House: Completely. The paracetomal allergy wasn't an allergy at all, the doctor was mistaken. What he took as an allergy turned out to be the first steps of the liver deteriorating. Its like a bag with a leak. Once there's a hole in the bag, it can't do its job anymore and everything just leaks out. The liver couldn't process the paracetomal and so her body rejected it.

(Taub enters the room, House looks at him, Taub shakes his head)

Kutner: Could also explain the heart attack. She had said when the ER brought her in (looks at file) she'd been at a diner, maybe heavy carbohydrates led to hypophosphatemia of the liver which would lead to a heart attack.

Foreman: Its great that we figured out that the disease is affecting her liver, but it's a little late now. With the serosis of the liver from the alcoholism the damage is too much, she's going to need a new liver.

Taub: There's no way any board would grant her a liver, her alcoholism crushes any hope she has.

(13 looks down obviously upset)

House: What affects the lungs and the liver?

Foreman: House it doesn't matter,(pauses) she's dying.

(13 gets up from her chair)

13: Let me tell her.

(She leaves the room)

(Commercials)


End file.
